Hellfire and Brimstone

Mid-morning.

I had just sat down for some light reading on the iPhone WordPress App.  Seems I had,  well…truth be told, still have a bit (lot) of trouble with the damn thing.  See, the thing is after writing a post, I tend to read, and reread it, proofing it.  And if I attempt to change the post in any way on the App, well it all goes to hell in a handbasket.  semicolon, after semicolon, all in seemingly random places.  To make matters worse, when I finally think I have it fixed on the App, and pop over to my laptop…just to double-check it mind you, there they are.  Those cursed, random, semicolons.  I am in no means an English scholar mind you, but when it comes to typing out something, I tend to go a touch OCD on it – after the fact.  Bad form.  Yes, I know.  Anyway…as I sat, concentrating on the particular problem I absently reached for the paper, only to find…nothing.

Yeah.

I have attempted to be over delicate about the whole business, but one can only take things so far and the roll was empty.  Yes.  Go ahead.  Reread it if you must.  The roll was empty.  And there is nothing, nothing that gets me going as much as an empty toilet paper roll.  In my house.  Most would call it a little thing.  And truth be told, I know it is.  But…at that very moment, Hell was blazing brightly in my mind, and I was sitting atop a fiery throne.

Time slowed to a stand-still.  Rage.  At that moment, in my mind, I could destroy the very world.

I would bring forth catastrophic tidal waves of terror and destruction upon whom ever had done the one thing, the single most…unforgivable thing that anyone could do.  I would rip apart the very fabric of space and time for that person.  They would know such anguish…and I would have my satisfaction.

My blood had began racing at that point, beating in time with the horde of evil that burned around me…and then a knock at the door.

“Dad?”  It was my daughter T.

“Yes?”  I calmly replied.

“Um…can we have a snack?”  She inquired.

“Sure thing baby.  Just give me a minute, ok?” I responded.

As T apparently wandered back down the hall I could barely hear her and L giggling and something about “Daddy” and “stinky” was stated matter-of-factly between bouts of laughter.  Time, momentarily stalled, resumed its motion and all of the approximately .013254 seconds that had been slowed, were quickly quashed under one simple, ironic fact.

I was the one…I had forgotten to put out a new roll.

Ooops.  Heh, my bad…

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8 Comments

  1. globetrottermama

     /  January 14, 2013

    Hate it when that happens! Ha!

    Reply
  2. Yeah…Only…I think the kids sometimes remove the roll just to mess with me…lol

    Reply
  3. That always makes me laugh after the fact.

    Me: “Why would you X?”

    Them: “You did that, Dad.”

    Me: “I did n— oh.. wait… nevermind. My bad.”

    Reply
  4. belowrance

     /  January 15, 2013

    I was laughing hard at this!

    Reply

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